Pulling the Race Card for Fat Chicks...
Sunday, October 3, 2010
What It Is, What It Sounds Like
WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
What It Is: An American singer-songwriter, music producer, actor, comedian, satirist, and a parodist who is known in particular for his humorous songs that make light of popular culture and that often parody specific songs by contemporary musical acts.
What It Sounds Like: A kinky and dangerous sex move invented by David Carradine and performed with fatal consequences the night he was found dead hanged in a Bangkok hotel closet most likely by Thailand he-shes/ladyboys. The Weird Al Yankovic sex move can be described as the Flying Lotus figure skating move in Blades of Glory of the bedroom.
The Nastradamus of Nonsense Nobel Peace Prize
THE NASTRADAMUS OF NONSENSE
NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
WINNER
IS...
The first annual Nastradamus of Nonsense Nobel Peace Prize goes to Ricky Ricardo of "I Love Lucy" and Officer Carl Winslow of "Family Matters". These two gentleman have shown otherwordly class, compassion, and peaceful ways in their everyday lives. Because of these exemplar characteristics, we felt they were deserving of this prestigious award.
Calling Ricky Ricardo a patient and forgiving man is an understatement. Ricky Ricardo was married to a woman who's lifestyle and antics are best described as a cross-breed Tasmanian Devil and drunk Bull let loose in a China shop after being jolted with a cattle-prod in the left-testicle. The antics of his wife Lucy and their neighbor Ethel would drive a lesser man to commit (this analogy was removed due to graphic material). But never did Ricky give Lucy a swift Chris Brown jab to her left cheek-bone. All he did was put his hands on his hips, tip his head slightly to the right and say "Luuuuuuuccccciiiieeeeee". And maybe worse than Lucy's antics was her cat with raven claws on a chalkboard "Iiiiiiieeeeeee" screech whenever her hair-brained schemes were unfoiled.
In the dictionary, there should be a picture of Carl Winslow next to the word "peace". Here is a man, who put his life on the line as a cop on the mean streets of Chicago and opened up his home to his mother and his sister-in-law and her child/children while raising his own family. While this would be enough to warrant consideration for this prestigious award, Carl Winslow's true virtue and character shined through with his tolerance of the neighbor from hell, Steve Urkel. Not only did Steve Urkel cause hundreds-of-thousands of dollars worth of damage to Carl's house on a daily basis, he was also trying to bang Carl's daughter, Laura Winslow. While any normal human being would've went Latrell Sprewell on PJ Carlissimo and choked out Urkel, all Carl Winslow would do is put his hands on his hips, tip his head to the right, and give those bug-eyes which said "Steve, you better get the hell outta here before I have to arrest myself for second degree murder."
We at the Nastradamus of Nonsense Nobel Peace Prize Committee would like to once again congratulate Ricky Ricardo and Officer Carl Winslow on their receipt of this prestigious award, and to their tireless efforts of promoting and practicing peace.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
There's A Big Difference/What Comes To Mind First
Old White Man + Walking + Hands Behind Back = In Deep Thought
Young Black Man + Walking + Hands Behind Back = In Police Custody
My BBM BBMs
Me: Buying tacos from a taco stand inside a car wash was not the brightest idea I've ever had. It feels like there's a live action version of the arcade game Rampage going on in my stomach. I've got da Bubble Guts aka dat Inner-body karate.
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