Sunday, November 28, 2010

FourSquare L7

FUCK FOURSQUARE, or as I like to call it, GPS/The Easy Button for Hitmen. If you are on Foursquare then there's a 94.63% chance you are a complete loser and live a very boring, plain, and uneventful life. If you are willing to tell anyone who happens to choose to follow you (I have no clue how Foursquare works so that's what I'm going with) where you are at a given moment, then that means your life is so boring there is not ONE person in your life who you wish to avoid at all costs and hide your whereabouts from.

Myself for instance, I am wanted in 23 States for various crimes against Zumanity (Cirque du Soleil must be stopped!! Viva La Revolucion!!!), I have numerous jilted lovers looking for the chance to throw sulfuric acid in my face so I look like a mutant Ray Liotta and Spongebob Squarepants cross-breed, and I wouldn't be surprised if there were a bounty on the Nastradamus of Nonsenses head for dining and ditching at various Denny's and IHops in the southeast (I respect the Waffle House 'cuz im pretty sure there's a shotgun behind the counter which those slackjawed hillbillies know how to use, and that dude on the grill with the patch over his left eye looks like he could sling a Waffle Pan across the room in a split second to thwart my OJ Simpson ala Hertz rent-a-car running through the airport commercial).  So for safety and health reasons, I can never join Foursquare.

But if you are going to use Foursquare, then don't just check in when you're out at a "cool bar" or "fancy restaurant", because that isn't the true image of the person you are, and The Nastradamus of Nonsense is a people person and believes that Foursquare, while lame, could be used as the window into a persons soul.  I would like to know every intricate detail of your life, from when you've got that Inner-Body-Karate/Bubble Guts and are in "the restroom", to when you're in your offices' break room to steal sugar packets to take home, or when you've checked in at Cold Stone Creamery and are asking for samples of various flavors with no intention of actually buying any ice-cream. These are the details and events people want to know about, so if you are going to use Foursquare use it properly and let the world know about where the real you is at all times.

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