Letter to Hydroxycut

Dear Hydroxycut,

FUUUUCK YOOOUUUU!!!!  Thanks a lot for taking chix who are slightly husky wit cute faces, a solid personality, and low self-esteem who I am 76% sure I could, and most importantly, would be willing to hook up with on black friday ("Black Friday" is every friday in my life, where i get so blacked out I could be pronounced legally dead in 24 states, D.C., and the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico, and then rise from the ashes 3 days later like the Jesus of Phoenix's), and converting them to chicks who are 30 lbs lighter, feel greater self-confidence and self-worth, and fall into the realm of chix where I don't know if it's worth the effort or embarrassment of approaching them and then getting shot down.  So fuck you Hydroxycut for reducing the number of "scoop & scores" in this world 11%.  Unless a chick needs Gastric-bypass then she needs to lose weight the old fashioned way... not losing weight and settling for a hideous disfigured freak who makes appearances on the Maury Povich show.  But I just wanted to pour salt into the wound since you've been recalled by the FDA, but that still doesn't make up for taking chunky monkey pussy-butter from my sack lunch if you know wut im sayin'?!?!?! In conclusion, FUCK YOU AND IM OUT... pause.

Sincerely,

The Nastradamus of Nonsense