Get Him To The Greek

THE GREEK

from

THE WIRE

Bird On "A" Wire or "The" Wire

BIRD ON A WIRE

VS

BIRD ON THE WIRE

What It Is, What It Sounds Like

ASBESTOS

What It Is:  A set of six naturally silicate minerals exploited commercially for their desireable physical properties, the inhalation of which can cause serious illness, including malignant lung cancer, mesothelioma, and asbestosis.

What It Sounds Like:  The first place prize of a competition judging women with the best "Assets". I like to think of it as "The Best in Show for Booty".

Best Tattoo Ever!!!

TATTOO

of

FANTASY ISLAND

Hip-Hop Quotable

"Goin' up-stairs eat this fuckin' Chinese food, in my fuckin' room."

LEON BLACK

Celebrity Hogwarts Houses

GRYFFINDOR HOUSE

HUFFLEPUFF HOUSE

SLYTHERIN HOUSE

RAVENCLAW HOUSE

Pay-Per-View is Better Than You

Horny Rich MILF's - They're rich, they're Horny. Wet moms that can't keep their hands off their big boobs and aching wet holes to get off for you.

Now playing on Channel 118 on PPV...

IPod Playlist

"I Believe I Can Fly" by R. Kelly

AMELIA EARHART

Christmy Converse...

             MISTLETOE                   SHO'NUFF

       + =

KISS MY CONVERSE!!! If you are like the Nastradamus of Nonsense and love Christmas, as well as strive for perfection in your daily life until you obtain the mythical "Glow" which covered Bruce Leeroy in the final scene of The Last Dragon, I have developed a way you can show your Christmas spirit as well as pay homage to the late-great Sho'nuff at the same time. All you have to do is tie a Misteltoe to your shoe, more specifically, to a pair of Chuck Taylor Converse. With the Mistletoe over you Chucks, you show your X-Mas spirit while also saying the iconic Sho'nuff phrase "Kiss my Converse" without even having to utter a single word. I like to call it "Christmy Converse"!!!

First Team All-American Ghosts

SLIMER

THE 6th MAN

GHOST DAD

GHOSTWRITER

GHOSTFACE KILLAH

Drunken Conversation between Simba and Jesus

SIMBA                              JESUS

Simba: Co.. come on J-Money, you know I'm the true King.
Jesus: You must be out of your fuckin' mind Simba. How in the hell do you figure you're the true King?
Simba: Did you see when I was born yo?!?! Animals from all over the world traveled to see me. I had herbivores, omnivores and even fuckin' carnivores coming together peacefully, dappin' each other up like the L.A. Crips-Bloods gang truce in '93 for my unveiling yo. That is what a true King does, unite those underneath him.
Jesus: First off all, animals didn't travel across the world to see you, they traveled across a field and a shallow river at best. Plus you had no humans there, just like 3 elephants, some hippos, a few deer and gazelles, and bunch of lazy ass birds who copped a free ride on the elephants tusks. It looked like a lame ass MTV Super Sweet 16 party, and you were the biggest pussy ever to appear on the show, pun intended. And if you're such a great and beloved King, where were the Hyenas at?!?!!
Simba: Fuck those bitchass Hyenas!! I know you saw the reaction of the animals when that arthritic monkey held me over the cliff J, shit was bananas yo!! And at least I had a massive group of peops show up when I was born. Much better than your birth, in a manger, with just your mom and pops fleeing King DJ Hero, and being visited by three internet predator perverts.
Jesus: First you moron, it was King Herod, and secondly dickhead, they weren't internet perverts, they were three wisemen who traveled a great distance to see their King, with gifts of Gold, Frankincense, and Myrhh bitch!!
Simba: Ha! Wuh.. wut da fuck is Frankincense and Myrhh?!?! Frankincense sounds like a line of scented bathroom candles designed by Frankenstein, HA!!
Jesus: They're what's given to a true King, a King who doesn't run off into the woods like a little bitch after his dad is killed, has a boar and a fuckin' heroine addicted squirrel as his posse, and eats bugs from trees. And what King has only 2 followers?!?!  I had 12 Apostles following me, and they were willing to serve and die for their King.
Simba: 12 Apostles, big whoop!! One of them even sold you out, ha!! What was his name again, Ju.. Jud... Zab Judah???
Jesus: Ii.. ittt was Judas!!
Simba: Ha, yea, Juuuuuudas!! And tell me this, how are you supposed to be "King of the Jews", when Jewish people don't even believe or recognize you as their King?!!?!  That's like a Chinese riddle or something, haha.
T.I.: Alright, I've heard you drunken idiots argue long enough, I've gotta roll. But for the record, we all know I'm the King of the South.
Simba: O yea, no doubt about that.
Jesus: Come on T.I., that ain't even a question playa, everyone knows you're the King of the South. Be easy.

Secret Love Child

 WARREN G                   TONYA HARDING

   + =

The 29th President

of

The United States of America

WARREN G. HARDING

Time to Pig Out

PORKY PIG

This post goes out to the first openly gay cartoon character, Porky Pig.  That's right, the Looney Tunes character with the cutest crippling/debilitating speech impediment is a homosexual. If the above picture is not proof enough (I don't know a straight man who'd wear a tiny cap, a blazer, white gloves, and a bowtie shirtless and with no pants), the fact that he often shared a bed and spooned with Daffy Duck is further proof. Thus I salute Porky Pig for his courage and for paving the way for other gay cartoon characters to come out the closet like Stewie Griffin and Optimus Prime. Furthermore, I'd like to finally give credit to Porky Pig, the man who invented the "Bottomless Party", and lives by it every day.

True Inventor of Twitter

STEPHEN HAWKING

Hip-Hop Quotable

"Yippee ki-yay Motherfucker..."

JOHN MCCLANE

If It Came Out Today

When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at my Facebook wall, and in the back of my mind I hear my conscience call... - LL Cool J "I Need Love"

First Team All-American Chefs

CHEF

CHEF BOYARDEE

THE IRON CHEF

LUNCH LADY DORRIS

RAEKWON THE CHEF

FourSquare L7

FUCK FOURSQUARE, or as I like to call it, GPS/The Easy Button for Hitmen. If you are on Foursquare then there's a 94.63% chance you are a complete loser and live a very boring, plain, and uneventful life. If you are willing to tell anyone who happens to choose to follow you (I have no clue how Foursquare works so that's what I'm going with) where you are at a given moment, then that means your life is so boring there is not ONE person in your life who you wish to avoid at all costs and hide your whereabouts from.

Myself for instance, I am wanted in 23 States for various crimes against Zumanity (Cirque du Soleil must be stopped!! Viva La Revolucion!!!), I have numerous jilted lovers looking for the chance to throw sulfuric acid in my face so I look like a mutant Ray Liotta and Spongebob Squarepants cross-breed, and I wouldn't be surprised if there were a bounty on the Nastradamus of Nonsenses head for dining and ditching at various Denny's and IHops in the southeast (I respect the Waffle House 'cuz im pretty sure there's a shotgun behind the counter which those slackjawed hillbillies know how to use, and that dude on the grill with the patch over his left eye looks like he could sling a Waffle Pan across the room in a split second to thwart my OJ Simpson ala Hertz rent-a-car running through the airport commercial).  So for safety and health reasons, I can never join Foursquare.

But if you are going to use Foursquare, then don't just check in when you're out at a "cool bar" or "fancy restaurant", because that isn't the true image of the person you are, and The Nastradamus of Nonsense is a people person and believes that Foursquare, while lame, could be used as the window into a persons soul.  I would like to know every intricate detail of your life, from when you've got that Inner-Body-Karate/Bubble Guts and are in "the restroom", to when you're in your offices' break room to steal sugar packets to take home, or when you've checked in at Cold Stone Creamery and are asking for samples of various flavors with no intention of actually buying any ice-cream. These are the details and events people want to know about, so if you are going to use Foursquare use it properly and let the world know about where the real you is at all times.

More Asthmatic

WEEZY F. BABY

or

LOUISE "WEEZY" JEFFERSON

More LO-co Chick

J. LO                            LILO

 OR

Greatest Wizard of All Time

DUMBLEDORE                                GANDALF

        or

Trick Question!!! The Answer Is...

The little kid in the 1989 Fred Savage Movie

THE WIZARD

Every American Has VD

HAPPY VETERANS DAY

This post goes out to all the American Troops, including the late 80's dance "The Troop", the early 90's ABC cartoon "Goof Troop", the late 80's movie "Troop Beverly Hills", and finally the most important of all, all the troops (past and present) who've served to protect this country. In the immortal words of Wayne and Garth, "we are not worthy, we are not worthy."

The 7 Deadly Sins

GLUTTONY                   LUST

                                                                      

       PRIDE                           WRATH

                                      

  ENVY                                                       GREED

                        

SLOTH