The Nastradamus of Nonsense: December 2010

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Get Him To The Greek

THE GREEK

from

THE WIRE

Bird On "A" Wire or "The" Wire

BIRD ON A WIRE

BIRD ON THE WIRE

What It Is, What It Sounds Like

ASBESTOS

What It Is: A set of six naturally silicate minerals exploited commercially for their desireable physical properties, the inhalation of which can cause serious illness, including malignant lung cancer, mesothelioma, and asbestosis.

What It Sounds Like: The first place prize of a competition judging women with the best "Assets". I like to think of it as "The Best in Show for Booty".

Best Tattoo Ever!!!

TATTOO

FANTASY ISLAND

Hip-Hop Quotable

"Goin' up-stairs eat this fuckin' Chinese food, in my fuckin' room."

LEON BLACK

Celebrity Hogwarts Houses

GRYFFINDOR HOUSE

HUFFLEPUFF HOUSE

SLYTHERIN HOUSE

RAVENCLAW HOUSE

Pay-Per-View is Better Than You

Horny Rich MILF's - They're rich, they're Horny. Wet moms that can't keep their hands off their big boobs and aching wet holes to get off for you.

Now playing on Channel 118 on PPV...

IPod Playlist

"I Believe I Can Fly" by R. Kelly

AMELIA EARHART

Friday, December 17, 2010

Christmy Converse...

MISTLETOE SHO'NUFF

KISS MY CONVERSE!!! If you are like the Nastradamus of Nonsense and love Christmas, as well as strive for perfection in your daily life until you obtain the mythical "Glow" which covered Bruce Leeroy in the final scene of The Last Dragon, I have developed a way you can show your Christmas spirit as well as pay homage to the late-great Sho'nuff at the same time. All you have to do is tie a Misteltoe to your shoe, more specifically, to a pair of Chuck Taylor Converse. With the Mistletoe over you Chucks, you show your X-Mas spirit while also saying the iconic Sho'nuff phrase "Kiss my Converse" without even having to utter a single word. I like to call it "Christmy Converse"!!!

First Team All-American Ghosts

SLIMER

THE 6th MAN

GHOST DAD

GHOSTWRITER

GHOSTFACE KILLAH

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Drunken Conversation between Simba and Jesus

SIMBA JESUS

Simba: Co.. come on J-Money, you know I'm the true King.
Jesus: You must be out of your fuckin' mind Simba. How in the hell do you figure you're the true King?
Simba: Did you see when I was born yo?!?! Animals from all over the world traveled to see me. I had herbivores, omnivores and even fuckin' carnivores coming together peacefully, dappin' each other up like the L.A. Crips-Bloods gang truce in '93 for my unveiling yo. That is what a true King does, unite those underneath him.
Jesus: First off all, animals didn't travel across the world to see you, they traveled across a field and a shallow river at best. Plus you had no humans there, just like 3 elephants, some hippos, a few deer and gazelles, and bunch of lazy ass birds who copped a free ride on the elephants tusks. It looked like a lame ass MTV Super Sweet 16 party, and you were the biggest pussy ever to appear on the show, pun intended. And if you're such a great and beloved King, where were the Hyenas at?!?!!
Simba: Fuck those bitchass Hyenas!! I know you saw the reaction of the animals when that arthritic monkey held me over the cliff J, shit was bananas yo!! And at least I had a massive group of peops show up when I was born. Much better than your birth, in a manger, with just your mom and pops fleeing King DJ Hero, and being visited by three internet predator perverts.
Jesus: First you moron, it was King Herod, and secondly dickhead, they weren't internet perverts, they were three wisemen who traveled a great distance to see their King, with gifts of Gold, Frankincense, and Myrhh bitch!!
Simba: Ha! Wuh.. wut da fuck is Frankincense and Myrhh?!?! Frankincense sounds like a line of scented bathroom candles designed by Frankenstein, HA!!
Jesus: They're what's given to a true King, a King who doesn't run off into the woods like a little bitch after his dad is killed, has a boar and a fuckin' heroine addicted squirrel as his posse, and eats bugs from trees. And what King has only 2 followers?!?! I had 12 Apostles following me, and they were willing to serve and die for their King.
Simba: 12 Apostles, big whoop!! One of them even sold you out, ha!! What was his name again, Ju.. Jud... Zab Judah???
Jesus: Ii.. ittt was Judas!!
Simba: Ha, yea, Juuuuuudas!! And tell me this, how are you supposed to be "King of the Jews", when Jewish people don't even believe or recognize you as their King?!!?! That's like a Chinese riddle or something, haha.
T.I.: Alright, I've heard you drunken idiots argue long enough, I've gotta roll. But for the record, we all know I'm the King of the South.
Simba: O yea, no doubt about that.
Jesus: Come on T.I., that ain't even a question playa, everyone knows you're the King of the South. Be easy.

Secret Love Child

WARREN G TONYA HARDING

The 29th President

The United States of America

WARREN G. HARDING

Time to Pig Out

PORKY PIG

This post goes out to the first openly gay cartoon character, Porky Pig. That's right, the Looney Tunes character with the cutest crippling/debilitating speech impediment is a homosexual. If the above picture is not proof enough (I don't know a straight man who'd wear a tiny cap, a blazer, white gloves, and a bowtie shirtless and with no pants), the fact that he often shared a bed and spooned with Daffy Duck is further proof. Thus I salute Porky Pig for his courage and for paving the way for other gay cartoon characters to come out the closet like Stewie Griffin and Optimus Prime. Furthermore, I'd like to finally give credit to Porky Pig, the man who invented the "Bottomless Party", and lives by it every day.