Sunday, August 29, 2010
2012
People claim that myself, along with the Mayans, predict that the world is going to end in 2012. That is not correct. Something more epic and life changing is going to happen in 2012, for JUSTIN BIEBER IS GOING TO CHANGE HIS HAIRSTYLE!!! That is right folks, the Nastradamus of Nonsense foresees Justin Bieber changing his hairstyle on November 14, 2012. What the haircut will be I cannot predict, but I envision if you look directly at it your face will melt like staring at the Arc of the Covenant. As most people vividly remember where they were when Kennedy was assassinated, or where they were when the World Trade Center was attacked, future generations will remember where they were when Bieber Chopped his Locks. Let the countdown begin...
Future Menendez Brothers???
For starters, can someone please tell me what the difference is between "The Suite Life of Zack & Cody" and "The Suite Life on Deck"?? It really doesn't matter because Justin Bieber stole all those 2 little kids thunder and has driven them into irrelevancy and oblivion. Dylan and Cole Sprouse (cool last name dudes) were suppose to be the male version of the Olson Twins. But people fell in love with the Olson Twins when they were cute and couldn't talk. But like with most women, the moment after they opened their mouths and spoke, the world wished they were deaf mutes like Hellen Keller. But if I was Dylan and Cole's manager, I would tell those two little dudes to go Menendez Brothers on Justin Bieber so they had some chance of getting their fans and fame back. In the words of Chris Rock wit O.J. and Nicole Brown Simpson, "I'm not sayin' he should've kill't her, but I understand..."
Career Day Hall of Fame
LEVAR BURTON
aka
KUNTA KINTE
aka
READING RAINBOW DUDE
aka
LT. COMMANDER GEORDI LA FORGE
Hairstylist to the Stars
All signs point to the same hairstylist who fucked up Stevie Wonders hair with ridiculous hair-beads working with Serena and Venus Williams during their early tennis years. Stevie was blind and Venus and Serena were young so I guess they have excuses, but what is this supermodel from the 80's excuse??? I'm gonna go with lots of booger sugar aka Cocaine use on the part of the her and the photographer...
Ultimate DVD Box Set
Morris Chestnut and Gabrielle Union
Romantic-Comedy DVD Box Set
Two Can Play That Game (2001)
The Brothers (2001)
Breaking All The Rules (2004)
The Perfect Holiday (2007)
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Secret Love Child
Don Cheadle Cornelius Vanderbilt
+ 
= ...
+ 
= ...DON CORNELIUS
and the
SOOOOOOOUUUULLLL TRAIN!!!!!
Yomama Bin Ladin Tweet of the Day
Just finished gettin' my groove on @raheeemmujiah's cave party. In the cave doin' the same ole 2-step, lol. Shit was rockin, pun intended!!! But I must admit, I'm a terrible dancer and have no rhythm. My rhythm is so bad you could say I have terrorhythm, Hahaha....
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
What It Is, What It Sounds Like
EUTHANASIA
What It Is - A deliberate intervention undertaken with the express intention of ending a life, to relieve intractable suffering.
What It Sounds Like - A Chinese indie Pop-Punk rock group who sing pro-establishment songs because of the Republic of China's censorship laws.
Product Slogan and Warning
COORS LIGHT
Slogan - "Catch the Silver Bullet..."
Warning - Werewolves should avoid contact with, and not "Catch the Silver Bullet", as it can cause serious injury, infection, and even death. If you are a Werewolf and "Catch the Silver Bullet", please see a Creole Louisiana Bayou Voodoo Werewolf doctor immediately.
Social Suicide Letter
I cannot go on living like this, committing countless hours on pointless and mind-numbing social networking sites, being constantly bombarded by status updates, messages, friends requests, group invites and reminders. I have decided it is best I just end it all and terminate my facebook life. Killing my facebook self will be the social networking equivalent of sitting my wrists while sitting in a warm bath with a plastic bag over my head and tossing a clock radio in the water. Goodbye social networking world, I'll send you a postcard from facebook heaven... - The Nastradamus of Nonsense
What It Is, What It Sounds Like
DJIBOUTI
What It Sounds Like - What a cocky and insensitive prison inmate would say to his bitch right after he rapes him. Something along the lines of "I just Djibouti sucka!!!"
My PETA Slogan
"I'd rather go in naked than wear a lamb skin condom..." - The Nastradamus of Nonsense
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
What It Is, What It Sounds Like
PHOTOSYNTHESIS
What It Is:
The process in green plants and certain other organisms by which carbohydrates are synthesized from carbon dioxide and water using light as an energy source.
What It Sounds Like:
A high-tech function on a copier which you never use or think about until an employee at Kinkos points it out to you and recommends you use it to help make your presentation pop.
A high-tech function on a copier which you never use or think about until an employee at Kinkos points it out to you and recommends you use it to help make your presentation pop.
Yomama Bin Ladin Tweet of the Day
Yomama Bin Ladin Tweet of the Day
Stimulus Package A Failure
For people who think Obama's economic stimulus package is a failure, they need to talk to girls I've had sex with to find out about a REAL stimulus package failure....
Monday, August 23, 2010
Ground SubZero Mosque
Please find enclosed my proposed interior designs for the Ground SubZero Mosque in New York City. Disregard the spine removal fatality performed on Sonya in the foreground. Asalamalakum. - SubZero Abdul-Jabbar
The_Real_Kim_Jong_Il Tweet of the Day...
I would like to thank MTV's Hottest MC's in the Game panel for voting me the illest MC for the 7th year in a row. Step yo game up Weezy and Jigga man, cuz Imma always be Il bitches, I can't help it, it's in my name!!!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
My Music Group - North American Space Aliens
On Saturnight 67, 7669, Captain Zapp Brannigan, Lieutenant Kif Kroker, Prince Lone Starr, his loyal mawg Barf, Elroy Jetson and his dog Astro were out cruising the Whirlpool Galaxy looking for the Intergalactic Stash Station when their spacehoopty blew a tirejet and was thrust into a wormhole taking them back to the year 2008. Zapp, Elroy, Kif, Barf, Astro and Lone crash landed on Earth in Tijuana Mexico.
With no money for food, they reluctantly entered Barf and Astro in a tag-team Mexican dogfight where they were victorious in a split decision. With their winnings, the crew decided to head across the border to the self-proclaimed land of freedom and opportunity, the U.S. of A. Crossing the boarder into San Diego, the group decided to treat themselves to a fun filled afternoon at LegoLand. While at LegoLand, Zapp's sexual urges consumed him and he was found mounting a life size female Lego piece by security in the Lego manufacturing plant. When asked to provide some form of identification, Zapp bolted, and Elroy, Lone Starr, Barf, Kif and Astro followed behind him.
The group has been on the run ever since, fleeing from State to State, crashing in motels that charge by the half-hour in order to avoid confinement at Alien Gitmo aka Area 51. But during their many stops on their trek, they have had close encounters of the 3rd kind with many beautiful human female units. These encounters inspired them to form a music group so they could bring their cosmic sound to this celestial body we fleshy creatures inhabit in order to make the panties of our XX chromosoned women evaporate. And out of this desire, NASA was hatched...
Members:
Captain Zapp Brannigan
Elroy Jetson
Prince Lone Starr
Lieutenant Kif Kroker
Entourage:
Barf
Astro Jetson
False Advertisements
* Yup, when I think of Khloe Khardashian the first thing I think is "model", an 8 foot Wookie version of Madea Goes to Prison wit laser hair removal type of model, but a "model" no less...
Friday, August 20, 2010
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