Riding Bitch in a Backpack

Jansport: Alright everybody, time to go.  Everybody hop in.
Mac:  Ok, Torts and CivPro, you guys get in first so I can be on the top.
Torts:  How come you get to be on top Mac?!?!
CivPro: Yeah?!!
Mac: One, because I cost 5 times what both of you cost COMBINED, and 2, I can't be havin' ur fat asses squishing me and possibly damaging my cover and my contents.  I'm brand new unlike you worn out used fuckers.
CivPro:  Who the fuck are you callin' fat you annorexic bitch?!!  Don't make me bodyslam ur ass like Ted Dibiase!!!  And you weren't bought new you smug asshole, you were refurbished!!
Mac: Refurbished, new, it's practically the same thing.  All I'm saying is I don't have random markings all over me like you CivPro, or some random dudes name tattooed on my inside like a little bitch Torts!!
Torts:  Who the fuck are you callin' a bitch?!?!
Mac:  I'm callin' the guy with the tattoo of "Property of Jimbo" on his inside cover a BITCH!!!
Jansport:  You guys hurry up and decide!!! we need to get going because the library isn't gonna be open much longer.  Mac can't ride bitch cuz he's worth a shitload more than both of you.  So Torts and CivPro, flip for it!!!
CivPro:  You down for odds vs evens Torts?  We each flip to a page and we choose whether the total of our pages is odd or even?
Torts:  That works for me.  I call even.  Now call it off Mac.
Mac:  Ok, you guys ready. 1, 2, 3 shoot... what'd you flip to CivPro?
CivPro:  137.
Mac:  And you Torts?
Torts: 2-5!!!!  That makes 162, even sucka!!!  You ride biiiiyyaaattch CivPro!!!
CivPro:  FUUUUCCCCKKK!!!!  Well you're ridin' bitch on the way back Torts.  Let's get the fuck outta here before ConLaw tries to tag along wit her 600 page fat ass.