Weekend Bar Mitzvahs

You know those scenes where there's a devil and an angel on a persons shoulder giving them advice. Every weekend when I go out and am in the bar/club, I feel there's a Lil John on my left shoulder and a Fat Man Scoop on my right shoulder.  I look to the left and there's Lil John going "Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots" cuz I just want to get blacked out.  I look to the right and there's Fat Man Scoop and like "Who's Fuckin' 2nite, Who's Fuckin' 2nite, Who's Fuckin' 2nite" cuz I am looking for the easiest/sluttiest/most blacked out girl to hook up with.  But in the end, I am always slumped over in a taxi by myself on my way home and De La Soul pops out of my vomit in the back of the taxi and is like "it's just me myself and I"....